somber saturday

Assalamu'alaikum...Tomorrow marks the 14th day of Ramadhan and before you know it, Hari Raya Aidilfitri will be here. I have to admit, I don't feel the usual excitement and hype about Hari Raya anymore. It might be because I'm already grown up, unlike when we were kids, we looked forward to wearing brand new Hari Raya clothes and collecting those green packets filled with money from our aunts and uncles. Today, Hari Raya, for me, would be more about spending quality time with my family, then visit close relatives and friends, and of course, be the perfect hosts to relatives and friends who come over for a visit. I kinda miss the big family gathering at my grandma's house. But everyone has their own family now, so those days are gone. Nevertheless, wherever all of you are, have a very happy Hari Raya Aidilfitri. :-)

This afternoon, my cousin, Along, called and informed that my uncle, Ayah Cu, is very ill. He has been hospitalised at GH Alor Setar and was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. He's at the critical stage, where the doctors aren't able to do anything anymore for him. They have advised that the family bring Ayah Cu home. It's not possible for us to drive up to Kedah, so Mama called up Wan Cu to offer her support and comfort during this emotionally draining day. I remember him looking weak and unusually thin during Abang Nyah's wedding. He was already sick during that time, but he still came. He will be in our prayers.

Since we're in a serious subject, my life has arrived at a crossroads of some sort. In a short span of time, I was asked to make a decision that will change the course of my future. I can't elaborate more as the decision has not been "finalised" and therefore, I will only be transparent about it when everything has been confirmed. But coming back to the crossroads, I guess it's something everyone will face one way or another, be it in their personal lives and/or career. And sometimes hasty decisions are made and sometimes a very thorough plan delays the decision. For my part, it is more of a concern regarding the people who may be affected by my decision. For once, I'd like to be selfish and think about what matters to me, but on the other hand, I'm a person who always think about what others think. Some find it as a weakness, and I agree that at a certain level it is. Abang Nyah calls me a worry-wart (sp?) because of it. Truth be told, I don't know whether is a good or a bad trait. And so...I'm just gonna try to ignore that "worried" side of me and be selfish. I'll face those people when the time comes, and I hope I will have the support needed.

At times like these, I wish that I were a kid again because I don't have to worry about making a big decision that will determine my destiny. All I need to worry about is whether I get to go out and play or not. Sigh...how I wish life can be as simple as that. Lesson for today: Life is too short for you to worry about unnecessary things. Live life to the fullest and make it meaningful till the end.

Wassalam...